Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize