I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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