On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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