I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
