how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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