No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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