I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
