It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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