i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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