I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
