The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
