I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
