To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
