Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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