Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am never drinking with the goths again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
