I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
