Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
