... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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