I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
