today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
