his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
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omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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