I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
