if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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