I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
