be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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