I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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