Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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