If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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