hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
