She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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