I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
