Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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