My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
