I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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