i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
