Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
