I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
