i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
