You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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