Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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