The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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