yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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