September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize