Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
