umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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