Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We're too hungover to prance.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
