You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
