He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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