I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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