i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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