dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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