He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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