Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize