do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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