Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
