i jhust puked up my retainher.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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