I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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