proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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