you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Buhtt sex?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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