You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
