Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it glows. i had to have it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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