once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You made out with two different species that night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
