I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
