he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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