i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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