Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
